Wednesday, May 17

The Mobile Phone Mystery
A couple of weeks ago, I lost my mobile phone. I wasn’t too bothered about this as I’m not a big fan of the mobile – too intrusive, give people an license to be late, probably fry our brains, and the ultimate symbol of consumerism. We were perfectly happy without them 10 years ago, now they’re a ‘must-have’ for everyone. Plus there are a squillion of them clogging up landfills and leaking nasty things all over the place.

Anyway, I always end up leaving mine at home and I never, ever remember to charge it up, so it’s hardly worth me having one. I was cross at losing everyone’s numbers, but I felt more of a sense of relief when it was gone.

After a week, I hadn’t replaced it. People were in shock.

Mr Meep: “You have to have a phone – what if you’re out late and you need to ring me or I don’t know where you are?”. He always knows where I am. If I’m at work, we’re on MSN. If he’s at work, he rings me at home for a chat. And if we’re not at work, we’re generally at home. Together.

But he panics. I once went to the pub after work and forgot to tell him I was going. By 7pm he thought I was dead in a ditch. I was drunk in Cheltenham.

My mother: “You must have a phone – what if the car breaks down?” Er… I drive maybe once a fortnight tops. And Mr Meep is usually with me. And he has a phone. And if he doesn’t there are phone boxes or those emergency telephones that get you through to the RAC.

My dad has an old phone of Mr Meep’s that he carried with him “in case of emergencies”. He never uses it, so insisted that I have his. I said no, thanks, but I didn’t really need one. The next day, he popped in to drop it off.

It was sitting in my kitchen, uncharged, for about a fortnight. Last weekend, I gave in. I charged it up and spent way too long typing in everyone’s numbers one by one on the annoying keypad I wasn’t used to and generally getting very cross. I don’t think there’s anything I would have liked to be doing less. Ever. Well, maybe clubbing baby bunnies to death wouldn’t be that great either, nor standing in a barrel full of squirming s.n.a.k.e.s. But this was bad.

On Sunday we were going out for a walk. Mr Meep went to get his walking shoes from the car boot. He came in, walked up to me and held out his hand.

There was my lost mobile phone. It was in his shoe.

Answers on a postcard please.


  1. This version of "In Her Shoe" would have made a much better film than the one with Cameron Diaz and Toni Collette.

  2. (Except it was in Mr Meep's shoe wasn't it - damn, that joke doesn't work now).

  3. Hee hee - you're funny!

    (I really liked that film - I cried. A lot.)

  4. I agree that mobile phones are intrusive and bad for us and that we were completely happy without them ten years ago. I hate texting for a start. It totally get's on my nerves and I always end up pressing the wrong button and having to start again. Lord knows how your MeepMobile got lost in Mr Meep's Walking Boots though...Weird!

  5. We had an accident recently - whilst walking the dogs.
    I had looked at my digital camera just before we went and thought 'Ha! If we have an accident - I won't have my phone but I can take a picture'!
    I wanted to capture the lambs...

    The accident happened. The accidentee gave me her phone.
    I used it to flag down a passing motorist!
    It's great for waving at people you know!