Friday, February 26

On jobs

Going back to work in three weeks - bah. Looking forward to the social aspect, really like the people I work with and passionate about the cause we're championing. But, boy, I am going to miss the two petite croutons for three days of the week. And slightly concerned about how Molly, AKA The Limpet, is going to cope - especially as she is going through a phase of screeching as soon as I dare to go out of her sight. Even a dash into the pantry to grab her another rice cake is a cause for tears.

Ok, I'm lucky. They're being looked after by Mr Meep and the Grandparents. It's good for them to bond with the rest of the family and good for me to get a bit of 'me' back, but I'm going to miss our days of baking and hanging around in parks and going for a cuppa/apple juice/breastmilk in a cafe and playing in the garden and bouncing on the bed and dancing around the kitchen to Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds.

Oh dear, I'm feeling all teary just thinking about it. I'll just have to fit all those things into the other four days of the week instead.

Anyway, to take my mind to other places, here's a list of jobs I've had.

  • Fairground ride operator

  • Summer job in Maryland, USA. Highlights included me running over a scary mulleted mom's ankle by starting the ride while she was still putting little Brittney on it, her going nuts, and me having to be hidden at the back of the Fun House for the rest of the week because she wanted my BLOOD.

  • Call centre robot

  • Almost too painful to talk about. Walking to work every day, I'd pass a man washing cars by hand in the freezing cold and I would wish I was him. One day the intellectually-challenged team leader came into the ladies while I was mid-wee and screeched - "Get back in here, there are CALLS IN THE QUEUE!". The calls were about the life-threatening emergency that is a credit card machine on the blink.

  • Butlin's worker

  • I got so drunk the night before my first day that I slept through my alarm and they sent the scary boss to my chalet (which had been condemned to be demolished in 1985) to wake me up.

  • Deputy editor of a motoring magazine

  • Yup, still confuses me too.

  • Cake pedlar

  • And, my favourite job of all? When I was 17, I worked on a cake stall! I was doing my A-levels, had a great crowd of cider-drinking, Indie-rock loving, nasally-pierced, henna-headed mates who'd come to visit me hoping for a free cream horn. The stall was on a market and my other mates worked on the flowers and the meat and the fruit 'n' veg (as did Sir Kelly of Stereophonic, who was very short, liked heavy metal and always bought a 15p mini-pasty from me for his lunch). The downside was that we had a meagre 50p allowance for lunch (which wasn't a lot even by 1993's standards), so there was a distinct lack of freebies. Unless of course, I 'accidentally' stuck my finger into the odd strawberry tart or had a squashing incident with a coffee puff. Ah, those were the days.

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